This was a facebook note by my friend Terra. It touched me as other people's words often do. I only wish one day I will be able to express myself with easy and beauty like so many other can. Then maybe I will be able to help and guide others the way I am trying to do for myself.
As long as we have words to share and emotions to feel we will always be connected.
Today, I feel both like just an empty shell and as if I am bursting at the seams, all at once. Conflicting whispers in the back of my head relentlessly cloud my mind. I am feeling down, exhausted, overwhelmed, yet strangely inspired. I am compelled to write for the first time in months.
But all my impulses these days are fleeting. My heart begins to race, I draw a blank.
...Heading for the door, I grab Stitch's blue leash, and leave this place for a long walk with him and my thoughts...
On my walk, my mind clears to match this cloudless evening sky. Ideas begin to flow as freely as my sweat as Stitch pulls us eagerly away from our home, as if he never cares to return. I find myself feeling the same.
This is the first and last day of myself. I am no longer who I was yesterday, nor am I now who I will become tomorrow.
As the winds of time blow me through this life, there are many times I feel much like a tumbleweed... Weightless and out of control. Everything I encounter becomes tangled up within me, forever shaping and changing who I am.
All the while, there are times I feel so heavy... Burdened, like a tree left to grow in the middle of a parking lot... Rooted and awkwardly out of place. Even with all the people that surround me, sometimes I just can't help but to feel completely alone.
I have so much to look forward to in life. I am constantly growing and learning. I have someone that brings a smile to my face every time that he crosses my mind. I have an amazing family, wonderful friends, the job of my dreams, and a home to call my own. I count my blessings every day and feel incredibly selfish and guilty for my heavy heart.
I live in constant fear of losing what I love... So I push away, throw away, and I leave before I am left. Sometimes I truly feel that if I had the means and the strength, I would leave it all; everything I have. And yet, I am always wanting more.
For as long as I have known myself, I am never satisfied. Never content.
It's comforting to hope for tomorrow... A brand new day. A chance to make things right.
In reality, there is no promise of tomorrow. All any of us have is today. Right now. This moment. We could lose everything in an instant.
So enjoy this moment, and all of the blessings wrapped inside of it.
...For a moment, I feel lost. I take a deep breath, get up, and begin to live again...